Batweasel
The Bat Weasel The Bat Weasel (Chiroptera Mustela Bateman) is a member of the Eukaryotic Kingdom, originating most likely in the British Isles. Historic accounts, such as by Farmer Chris Barone (in 1832) generally include mention of the Bat Weasel's red eyes, sharp teeth, and possibly homosexual nature (Mayor McCheese for more details). The Bat Weasel is said to have evolved approximately three thousand years ago, making it simultaneously the newest found member of the evolutionary chain and the oldest- indeed, carbon dating can attest that the Bat Weasel can generally survive in its natural habitat for approximately three thousand five hundred years- making it older than the oldest tree still in living existence, though not quite as old as The Great Old Ones (Cthulhu). In History The Bat Weasel is noteworthy as being mentioned in all books of the New Testament as the "bringer of pain and suffering" save for Revelations, though mention is made of creatures spilling forth from a gap in the world and torturing mankind for seven years. The Bat Weasel, soon after making its first appearance in Britain (cave depictions show a weaselesque creature crawling from the primordial soup) quickly either crossed the Russian-Alaskan land bridge or swam to Iceland, then Greenland, then down through British Columbia until making its way into the United States of America where it encountered the native peoples and a race of mammals known to have logical capabilities equivalent to or greater than that of the average human as well as the ability to fly. The Bat Weasel theoretically displaced these mammals and used them as a primary food source until they went extinct, approximately 2,999 years ago. The North American Bat Weasel populace then died off of starvation. Meanwhile, a singular Bat Weasel in Europe managed to survive and migrated through ancient towns. No new accounts arise until the middle ages, when a strange plague rose, symptoms similar to the effects of a Bat Weasel bite. Discovery The Bat Weasel was rediscovered by Dr. R. James, Curator of Rare Animals for the New York City Museum of Natural History, on the ill-fated Lockhardt expedition to the Amazon Rainforest Plateau of 1909 (the plateau, located in Brazil, was leveled and now contains tenements for the poor). His journal, recollected after the terrible incident which brought their expedition to an end by the Cruz Recovery Expedition of 1911, included this account of an encounter with a Bat Weasel: "The Bate Waesel, as I shall call it, approached me from twenty paces. I found myself frihtened beyond rasional thinking for the moment. The Bate Waesal opened its maw wide, bareing it's fangs, and asked me "Usted tiene cualquier nabo?" I could not continuue, and thus fainted. When awakened by my guide, Manolo, I found that my bodily possessions had been violated and the last of my turnips raided by the terrible baest." Cultural Impact The Bat Weasel, at large, is now an accepted member of modern society. Infestations have been reported globally, though the animals themselves are generally pleasant enough to keep to themselves. However, the People's Republic of China has begun to take steps to eradicate its Bat Weasel populace as they outnumber humans there by a ratio of almost 2:1. Effects of Bat Weasel Bite ]]The Bat Weasel, when excited or angry, may attack its opponent. The following symptoms have been reported: - Diarrhea - Lockjaw (also known as Tetanus) - Leprosy - Sexual Arousal - Tourette's Syndrome - Desire to emulate Actor Christopher Walken - Pigmentation Loss - Impotence Reports have been risen, but not quantified, that the Bat Weasel is a potential vector of the Lyssavirus (Rabies). Natural Enemies The Snarebeast is the Bat Weasel's natural foe. Epic battles have been waged over the Bat Weasel's primary food source, turnips, with this terrible creature. Possible Evolution Reports have arisen that postulate that a Bat Weasel, when exposed to enough battles, may gain enough EXP to grow to level 33. At this point, the Bat Weasel may or may not evolve into a Manzark Manilla. Arguments have been raised by such personalities as New York Accountant Patrick Bateman that Bat Weasels may be into that whole "Yale" thing. When asked to explain, Bateman had this to say: "Well,they're probably closet homosexuals who do a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing." Turnips Bat Weasels primarily consume turnips. this section is a 'stub. Help out the DP Wiki Community by ''expanding''' it.